Cullen Chat
by Mon Petit Pierrot
Summary: IM: Edward is now clinically insane with no guaranteed recovery soon, Emmett and Jasper are not helping by continuing to play their tricks on their mentally challenged brother, Bella is gone, and Rosalie still doesn't care. All is normal, so Alice says.
1. The Beginning of Trouble

A/N: Hello. Welcome to my second humorfic for Twilight. I have way too much fun writing these, at poor Edward's expense. This was something I was plotting during Physics, which is a very fun class because we have an awesome teacher who claims to run the universe. Heheh. This is sort of dedicated to him. Hope you enjoy.

**Special thanks to Cybulski for helping me come up with this idea and to those who are the real life personifications of the Cullen family. **

--

Edward - _cuteandcuddly_

Bella - _IheartJacob_

Alice - _pixieshopper_

--

_Cuteandcuddly has signed on_

_IheartJacob has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Hello, love

IheartJacob says: XD

cuteandcuddly says: ...?

cuteandcuddly says: ...Uh...Bella?

IheartJacob says: Yes, Edward?

cuteandcuddly says: What does that mean?

IheartJacob says: What does what mean?

cuteandcuddly says: You're...um...expression...thing?

IheartJacob says: What are you talking about?

cuteandcuddly says: Uh...

cuteandcuddly says: Nevermind, love.

IheartJacob says: Don't you know the language of the IM?

cuteandcuddly says: ...No. Should I?

IheartJacob says: Jeez, Edward. And you call yourself caught up on the times.

cuteandcuddly says: ???

IheartJacob says: It was your idea in the first place!

cuteandcuddly says: -doubtfully- It was?

IheartJacob says: Just leave it to me.

cuteandcuddly says: Okay...so...may I ask why your username is like that?

IheartJacob says: Like what?

cuteandcuddly says: -sighs-

_pixieshopper has signed on._

pixieshopper says: What about yours, Edward? It doesn't sound like you.

cuteandcuddly says: Oh shut up.

pixieshopper says: -sticks her tongue out-

cuteandcuddly says: Bella?

IheartJacob says: Oh, do you mean why my username is IheartJacob?

cuteandcuddly says: Yes?

IheartJacob says: Well, it's because I love Jacob.

cuteandcuddly says: ...

cuteandcuddly says: Please tell me you're joking.

IheartJacob says: Nope! XD

cuteandcuddly says: ...

_cuteandcuddly has signed off._

pixieshopper says: Now that was mean. And you know it.

IheartJacob says: I know.


	2. Can A Vampire Be Tickled? Apparently So

A/N: Hey! Happy New Year! Welcome to the second chapter of Cullen Chat. I will be updating this as often as possible. And this time, all the Cullen clan (excluding Carlisle and Esme) are here. If you have suggestions for screen names that you would like me to use, I would love to see what you have come up with. Because, if you do submit a name and I like it, it probably will provide a new random "conversation". Edward's and Bella's names will be eventually explained in the only way the Cullens can explain: through IM and the humiliation of Edward. Poor guy.

Thanks for your support! Hope you enjoy!

**Thank you: Live in dreams, yumi2482, Larynn, music is in my blood, Gold Eyed Girl, and Beckah-lynn**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Alice- _DancerVamp_

Emmett- S_trongerThanYou_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

Jasper- _emotionalguru_

--

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

_StrongerThanYou has signed on_

StrongerThanYou says: Hey Edward

cuteandcuddly says: What do you want?

StrongerThanYou says: Grumpy this morning, aren't you?

cuteandcuddly says: And your point is...?

StrongerThanYou says: Well, your username for starters...

cuteandcuddly says: Don't start.

_IheartJacob has signed on_

IheartJacob says: Morning!

StrongerThanYou says: Oh hey, Bella

StrongerThanYou says: By the way, your boyfriend's being grumpy

cuteandcuddly says: Shut up, Emmett

cuteandcuddly says: Good morning, Bella

StrongerThanYou says: Sure, you're nice to HER!

cuteandcuddly says: Didn't I tell you to shut up?

_DancerVamp has signed on_

_emotionalguru has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Why is everyone getting on at the same time?

DancerVamp says: Because we want to witness your humiliation

cuteandcuddly says: Eh? What? What are you talking about? I'm leaving

emotionalguru says: Stay

cuteandcuddly says: ...

cuteandcuddly says: Dammit Jasper!

cuteandcuddly says: I feel sleepy...

StrongerThanYou says: -laughs- Maybe you should do that more often

_blondeisthenewblack has signed on_

blondeisthenewblack says: Why is Edward drooling on the couch?

IheartJacob says: Drooling?

emotionalguru says: -smirks- That was me.

blondeisthenewblack says: Ah...

blondeisthenewblack says: That was clever

StrongerThanYou says: Edward's drooling? I have to see that!

_StrongerThanYou has signed off_

DancerVamp says: ...

DancerVamp says: What is he doing?

emotionalguru says: Is that Edward?

blondeisthenewblack says: Screaming? Yes.

IheartJacob says: What is Emmett doing to Edward?

emotionalguru says: Don't worry, Bella.

DancerVamp says: Emmett's just tickling Edward

IheartJacob says: He's...ticklish?

emotionalguru says: Oh yeah

blondeisthenewblack says: I wish you could see this, Bella

DancerVamp says: Edward's spazzing!

emotionalguru says: -laughs- No more than usual

IheartJacob says: Hm...maybe I should try

emotionalguru says: Twenty bucks that he even lets you

DancerVamp says: Fifty that you will be able to tickle him

IheartJacob says: Done.


	3. Alcohol and Vampires Do Not Mix

A/N: Hello again! Welcome to the third chapter of Cullen Chat. I still welcome any and all requests for screennames or ideas that you want me to write out. I have my own ideas still, but I would love to hear yours. The next chapter will be a spin-off of something from the summary, but for this one I was inspired by the alcohol lecture in Driver's Ed today. Keep in mind that this is the loopy drunk, so yes it will be a little crazy. This is even more random then I thought it would be.

Enjoy!

**Thank you: Gold Eyed Girl, Flytothestars, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Sera, yumi2482, Twitchy the Pyro, bubblez-x, Live in Dreams, LoneWolf, Larynn, music is in my blood, Beckah-lynn, Ashley S.R. Cullen, coolppl13, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, iness, xoier118**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Alice- _pixieshopper_

Emmett- _StrongerThanYou_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

_pixieshopper has signed on_

_IheartJacob has signed on_

pixieshopper says: So, Bella...what happened last night?

IheartJacob says: Last night?

pixieshopper says: You did that bet didn't you?

pixieshopper says: How'd it work out?

IheartJacob says: X3

IheartJacob says: I've never had so much fun in my life.

IheartJacob says: You owe me $50, Alice.

pixieshopper says: But I'm your best friend!

IheartJacob says: So? Fork over the money, Alice!

pixieshopper says: Jasper should pay it!

IheartJacob says: You have to pay it.

pixieshopper says: Can I just work off the money by taking you shopping?

IheartJacob says: No. I am not going shopping.

pixieshopper says: But there's a sale tomorrow!

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

IheartJacob says: Oh hey, Edward.

cuteandcuddly says: I see pretty lights...

IheartJacob says: ????

IheartJacob says: Edward?

cuteandcuddly says: So bright...

pixieshopper says: It's okay, Bella. He's just drunk. (1)

cuteandcuddly says: They're calling me...come closer...come...

IheartJacob says: ...

cuteandcuddly says: GRANDMA IS THAT YOU?!?!

pixieshopper says: No, Edward, you're seeing me, not your grandmother.

cuteandcuddly says: I'll save you!!

pixieshopper says: -sighs- No matter how many times he gets drunk...it's always the SAME

_StrongerThanYou has signed on_

StrongerThanYou says: Hello, pretty ladies! Step right up and get your booze!

pixieshopper says: And now I don't even have to ask who gave Edward booze.

_blondeisthenewblack has signed on_

blondeisthenewblack says: Do I even want to know why Edward's behaving like an idiot?

pixieshopper says: What is he doing?

blondeisthenewblack says: I think he's chewing the remote for the TV.

IheartJacob says: 0_o

blondeisthenewblack says: Do you think he'll electrocute himself?

pixieshopper says: That's only if he chews the powercords.

IheartJacob says: ...

blondeisthenewblack says: He's acting like a dog now...

blondeisthenewblack says: EW! HE LICKED ME!!

IheartJacob says: 0_o

blondeisthenewblack says: And he messed up my nails!!

_ConfederateVamp has signed on_

ConfederateVamp says: DEATH TO PICKLES!!! (2)

pixieshopper says: Oh Jasper, not you too...

pixieshopper says: Enough with the pickles already...

IheartJacob says: ????

pixieshopper says: .....

pixieshopper says: -sighs- Why is he singing, "I'm A Little Teapot"?

blondeisthenewblack says: Hell if I know. They're drunk.

_blondeisthenewblack has signed off_

pixieshopper says: Bye Bells. We have to do "crowd control" now.

_pixieshopper has signed off_

IheartJacob says: Um...okay?

--

1 - In real life, the Twilight series vamps probably can't get drunk. But in my mind, since they "drink" blood and it is absorbed into their bloodstream (that is composed of the blood they consumed before), alcohol does the same thing.

2 - If there are any readers who have read chapter 13 for Truth or Dare: Full Metal Alchemist, you will understand this joke. If not...well, I'll just leave it up to you to take it however you want. XD


	4. Incognito

_A/N: Sorry I wasn't able to update on the promised day. I had to take a much needed break after my stress-filled second quarter, but it's all good now so the next chapter will be out on time. I hope you continue to enjoy this silly fic. This is the first to be updated._

Warning: _**READ THIS BEFORE YOU START READING THE CHAPTER**_ _The topic is rated T (I couldn't resist, think of it as Eddie torture with dirty talk); it's for a reason. Trust me. You will find out why at the end of the chapter. You may be traumatized for life if you have not been exposed to this sort of talk (I'm sure that there will be at least one person I know who will hate me because of this topic mentioned...you know who you are). Y'all know that I've been exposed to this for YEARS and it keeps getting worse....not that I'm complaining. It's fun. XD_

**Thanks to: Gold Eyed Girl, Flyingtothestars, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Sera, yumi2482, Twitchy the Pyro, bubblez-x, Live in Dreams, LoneWolf, Larynn, music is in my blood, Beckah-lynn, Ashley S.R. Cullen, coolppl13, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, iness, xoier118, jess, Ashley Cullen 8, Kristen Rey, xoxoemilyxoxo, marcuskristafan4ever, and EdwardCullen4Life1901. Thanks for the support!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly _

Bella- _IheartJacob _

Alice- _pixieshopper_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack _

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

_IheartJacob has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Good afternoon, love

IheartJacob says: Screw me already

cuteandcuddly says: ???

cuteandcuddly says: Uh...Bella?

IheartJacob says: I want you to screw me

cuteandcuddly says: ...

IheartJacob says: You know you want to

cuteandcuddly says: ???

cuteandcuddly says: Are you okay, dear?

IheartJacob says: Never better.

cuteandcuddly says: O-kay

IheartJacob says: Do you have peanut butter? Oh wait, no! Icing!

cuteandcuddly says: Uh...no?

IheartJacob says: Icing is SO much better! It will be so great!!

IheartJacob says: It tastes good too...on those places...

cuteandcuddly says: 0_o

cuteandcuddly says: Are you...um...Bella?

IheartJacob says: Of course I am! Who else would I be?

_pixieshopper has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Finally someone sane!

IheartJacob says: Hey!

cuteandcuddly says: Sorry, love.

cuteandcuddly says: You're just...um...scaring me right now...

cuteandcuddly says: Alice, are you by any chance doing something to Bella?

IheartJacob says: Oh, that reminds me. Alice, should Edward see me in that lacy black bra you gave me?

cuteandcuddly says: Eh?

pixieshopper says: It's up to you, Bella

cuteandcuddly says: All right, what did you two drink?

IheartJacob says: Oh, Edward, I'm hurt. How dare you accuse me of drinking!

IheartJacob says: Don't you get drunk all the time?

cuteandcuddly says: No! Of course not. Who told you that?

IheartJacob says: Emmett did

cuteandcuddly says: ...Of course he did...

IheartJacob says: You want to get drunk on me?

cuteandcuddly says: ....

_blondeisthenewblack has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: I never thought I would say this, but I am so glad that you're here! Rosalie, please please please please PLEASE help me

blondeisthenewblack says: Gee, thanks Edward. I feel the love

cuteandcuddly says: Please?

blondeisthenewblack says: So, Bella, has Edward screwed you yet?

cuteandcuddly says: WHAT?!

IheartJacob says: Nope, not yet. I'm still trying to convince him.

IheartJacob says: He just won't go IN, you know

blondeisthenewblack says: -nods-

pixieshopper says: Just wear the black bra. It works like a charm.

blondeisthenewblack says: And don't forget the cream

pixieshopper says: That too

cuteandcuddly says: You're all impossible!

IheartJacob says: Who says?

_Cullen5 has signed on_

_ConfederateVamp has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Guys...?? Help...

Cullen5 says: Nope, can't help you right now...

cuteandcuddly says: What? Why? They're your wives, control them!

ConfederateVamp says: But this is too fun to watch

cuteandcuddly says: -head/desk-

Cullen5 says: So have you screwed Bella yet?

cuteandcuddly says: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP GOING BACK TO THAT?! NO I HAVE NOT "SCREWED" BELLA!!

IheartJacob says: -pouts- So you don't want to do it with me?

cuteandcuddly says: Huh? Oh, no, Bella dear, of course I do...but...I just can't...do that...you know?

IheartJacob says: MEANY!! YOU GET NO KISSES FOR A WEEK!!

cuteandcuddly says: What'd I do...?

IheartJacob says: Hmph.

IheartJacob says: You're not coming over tonight

cuteandcuddly says: But Bella...

cuteandcuddly says: I had something I wanted to give you

Cullen5 says: Ooh, I wonder what that will be....

pixieshopper says: Does it have something to do with a blue silk ribbon?

ConfederateVamp says: Where are you gonna put that, Edward?

blondeisthenewblack says: I have a few ideas...

IheartJacob says: Put it in the hole!!

cuteandcuddly says: 0_o

_cuteandcuddly has signed off_

IheartJacob says: We scared him off...

pixieshopper says: Well, that was fun.

IheartJacob says: We should do it again

IheartJacob says: Heheh

Cullen5 says: Emmett, what are you planning?

IheartJacob says: Oh nothing...nothing at all, Bella

Cullen5 says: Right.

ConfederateVamp says: But seriously, Bells, you should show him that black bra I bought you

Cullen5 says: Oh will you stop with that, Alice? We already traumatized Edward enough

blondeisthenewblack says: Do you think we should go apologize to him before he kills us?

pixieshopper says: That might be a good idea, Jazzy.

Cullen5 says: Rose's right. Let's go apologize.

IheartJacob says: Oh fine...but you should have seen his face when I asked him to screw me, it was hilarious!

pixieshopper says: Shut up, idiot

IheartJacob says: Yes, dear.


	5. It's Been A While Now

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I've had a long quarter. This is a quick update so bear with me. More chapters coming soon.

**Thanks to: Gold Eyed Girl, Flyingtothestars, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Sera, yumi2482, Twitchy the Pyro, bubblez-x, Live in Dreams, LoneWolf, Larynn, music is in my blood, Beckah-lynn, Ashley S.R. Cullen, coolppl13, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, iness, xoier118, jess, Ashley Cullen 8, Kristen Rey, xoxoemilyxoxo, marcuskristafan4ever, EdwardCullen4Life1901, and loveheart12. ****Thanks for the support!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly _

Bella- _IheartJacob _

Emmett- _Cullen5_

--

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

_IheartJacob has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: It's been a long time, hasn't it?

IheartJacob says: Since we talked? Edward, it's only been a day

cuteandcuddly says: It feels like it's been longer than that_..._

cuteandcuddly says: Are you sure?

IheartJacob says: Yes, Edward.

cuteandcuddly says: That's weird

_Cullen5 has signed on_

Cullen5 says: No Edward, you're the one who's weird

cuteandcuddly says: Oh shut up, Emmett.

cuteandcuddly says: ...You are Emmett, right?

Cullen5 says: No, I'm Rosalie. Yes, Edward, it's Emmett.

Cullen5 says: Sheesh. When did you get so paranoid?

cuteandcuddly says: Since you all blackmailed me on IM

Cullen5 says: XD

Cullen5 says: That was fun

cuteandcuddly says: -mutters- Yeah, I bet.

Cullen5 says: Will you lighten up? Seriously, you should have seen your face when I was pretending to be Bella and asked you to screw me. That just made my day

cuteandcuddly says: If it were up to me, I would screw you into a wall and kick your sorry ass

Cullen5 says: Ooh, really? Rosalie loves to do that

cuteandcuddly says: -blinks- EWWWWW!!! DAMMIT EMMETT!!

Cullen5 says: -grins innocently- What'd I do?

cuteandcuddly says: -shudders- Never mind...

IheartJacob says: If you are quite done with corrupting my boyfriend...

Cullen5 says: Eh....nope. XD

cuteandcuddly says: -head/desk- I'm done for

Cullen5 says: X3


	6. Edward Has Gone Off The Deep End

_A/N: Another quick update...this is where Edward goes insane because of what has happened to him...enjoy_

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, and music is in my blood. Thanks so much for the support!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Alice- _DancerVamp_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: I'm bored...

_IheartJacob has signed on_

IheartJacob says: Hey, Edward

cuteandcuddly says: So bored...

IheartJacob says: Edward?

cuteandcuddly says: Very, very bored...

IheartJacob says: ...

cuteandcuddly says: La...la...lalala...la...

_ConfederateVamp has signed on_

_DancerVamp has signed on_

IheartJacob says: Jasper, Alice, what's going on with Edward?

ConfederateVamp says: You know, I'm not really sure.

DancerVamp says: I think Emmett's done something to him...

cuteandcuddly says: I'M SO BORED!!

DancerVamp says: Edward! Don't throw that at me!

cuteandcuddly says: NO!!

DancerVamp says: You're such a bad little boy

cuteandcuddly says: I'M OLDER THAN YOU!!

cuteandcuddly says: SO THERE!! -sticks out tongue-

DancerVamp says: -rolls eyes-

DancerVamp says: Where do you keep finding things to throw, anyway? We're in the living room

cuteandcuddly says: STRAWBERRIES!! THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!!

IheartJacob says: ...

ConfederateVamp says: Would you calm down, Edward?

cuteandcuddly says: I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN!! I WANT ICE-CREAM!!!

ConfederateVamp says: ...Alice...it's not working...

IheartJacob says: What's going on?

cuteandcuddly says: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE, COPPERS!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!

IheartJacob says: 0_o

DancerVamp says: Edward has just completely cracked...

ConfederateVamp says: I wonder if we'll be able to save him this time?

DancerVamp says: He just broke a window...and is he foaming at the mouth?

cuteandcuddly says: I DON'T WANT TO BE A CLOWN!! I'M NOT A CLOWN!! HERE'S AN ORANGE!!! AND SOME PICKLES!!

ConfederateVamp says: Oh geez...

cuteandcuddly says: PICKLES!!!

ConfederateVamp says: I'm going to get Emmett before there's permanent damage.

_ConfederateVamp has signed off_

cuteandcuddly says: THE MEN IN THE WHITE COATS ARE STALKING ME!!

IheartJacob says: Uh...Alice...?

DancerVamp says: Don't worry, Bella. We've got everything under control.

DancerVamp says: Hopefully.

cuteandcuddly says: THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

IheartJacob says: Are you sure?

DancerVamp says: Completely.

DancerVamp says: Don't worry, this has happened before. A very long time ago.

IheartJacob says: So he will recover?

DancerVamp says: Of course. He's being sedated now...heh, it's funny because he keeps twitching...

DancerVamp says: I hope you never have to see his crazy side, Bella. It's not a good thing to witness.

IheartJacob says: ...Sure...I'll keep that in mind...


	7. Berlin Smurfs

_A/N: Well, first I would like to say how surprised I am. I cannot believe the overwhelming support this story has obtained in such a short time. The number of readers has more than tripled since the first two chapters, and I am so happy that so many of you are still reading this. I love my readers! I would not have continued if I didn't have your support._

_This is also another quick update - yes, I know it's really short, the next one will be much longer, promise! This was something inspired by the Twilight movie party hosted at my house with my friends - they know exactly what I'm talking about. I wouldn't ask if I were you. We were all high on sugar and Twilight. _

_Enjoy._

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, and twilightaholic77297. Thanks so much for the support!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Emmett- _StrongerThanYou_

--

cuteandcuddly says: Bella, what do you think about coming over tonight?

IheartJacob says: Really? I would love to!

cuteandcuddly says: We'll make you dinner.

_StrongerThanYou has signed on_

StrongerThanYou says: BERLIN SMURFS!

_StrongerThanYou has signed off_

cuteandcuddly says: ...Okay, then.

IheartJacob says: That was random.

cuteandcuddly says: You have no idea, love. This is what I live with.

_StrongerThanYou has signed on_

StrongerThanYou says: I have a joke!

cuteancuddly says: We don't want to hear it, Emmett.

StrongerThanYou says: What do you call two smurfs humping each other?

cuteandcuddly says: -sighs-

IheartJacob says: 0_o

StrongerThanYou says: A blueberry!

StrongerThanYou says: Get it, get it?

cuteandcuddly says: That was the lamest joke I've ever heard

StrongerThanYou says: Come on, you know it was good.

cuteandcuddly says: Get away.

cuteandcuddly says: NOW.

StrongerThanYou says: -pouts- Fine. Ruin my fun then.

_StrongerThanYou has signed off_

cuteandcuddly says: -sighs-

IheartJacob says: You know, I think it'd be better that I don't go.

cuteandcuddly says: That would be a good idea.


	8. What's In A Name And Some Idiocy

A/N: Hi again! I promised a longer chapter didn't I? This is sort of a longer chapter, I guess...longer than the last three... Anyway, hope you enjoy.

What's In A Name...And A Jumble Of Chapters

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, Bella-Da-Twilighter-10, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, and IllianaIsis613****. Thanks so much for the support!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Emmett- _StrongerThanYou_

Alice- _DancerVamp_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

--

StrongerThanYou says: So now we will ask the most important question...

cuteandcuddly says: And what would that be?

StrongerThanYou says: Didja screw Bella yet?

cuteandcuddly says: WILL YOU STOP GOING BACK TO THAT?!?! I ALWAYS HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR DAMN PERVY THOUGHTS ALL THE ... TIME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

StrongerThanYou says: Ooh, Edward almost swore...you're gonna get in trouble, you're gonna get in trouble, ha ha ha-ha ha-ha ha!

blondeisthenewblack says: Get to the point Emmett

StrongerThanYou says: Oh right. What was that again?

DancerVamp says: Why did Edward and Bella chose to have their IM names like that?

StrongerThanYou says: Oh yea!

ConfederateVamp says: Tell us

cuteandcuddly says: ...

ConfederateVamp says: Now, Edward.

cuteancuddly says: What makes you think I'll tell you?

DancerVamp says: We have the means of making someone talk, Edward. Don't make us resort to that.

blondeisthenewblack says: I know the perfect way...

cuteandcuddly says: ...

cuteandcuddly says: Will you keep your thoughts to yourself?

cuteandcuddly says: HEY! I never did that!

DancerVamp says: Oh yes you did. You were drunk...and it was late at night...

blondeisthenewblack says: It was dark...and you were all alone...

IheartJacob says: What happened?

cuteandcuddly says: NEVER MIND! And fine, I'll tell you! Geez.

cuteandcuddly says: The reason for this name is because Bella gave it to me. There, happy now?

StrongerThanYou says: That's lame.

blondeisthenewblack says: That's the only reason?

DancerVamp says: I'm sensing there's something else

cuteandcuddly says: NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED!!!

ConfederateVamp says: Touchy, aren't we? A little...embarrassed, perhaps?

cuteandcuddly says: I'm not.

ConfederateVamp says: Are you sure?

cuteandcuddly says: YES I'M QUITE SURE I'M NOT EMBARRASSED!! WILL YOU DROP IT?!?!?!

ConfederateVamp says: You don't have to yell.

cuteandcuddly says: -growls-

DancerVamp says: What about you, Bella?

IheartJacob says: It was for that joke we played on Edward, remember? When I said that I loved Jacob?

DancerVamp says: I remember that. That was fun! XD

IheartJacob says: X3

DancerVamp says: ^_^

cuteandcuddly says: WILL YOU STOP WITH THE WEIRD FACES ALREADY?!?!

DancerVamp says: Someone's grumpy.

cuteandcuddly says: I don't need your comments, Alice.

DancerVamp says: It's not my fault you don't know how to speak IM

IheartJacob says: Want me to teach you?

cuteandcuddly says: ...No.

_cuteandcuddly has signed off._

StrongerThanYou says: He's such a drama queen.

ConfederateVamp says: Takes one to know one.

StrongerThanYou says: ...Hey!

ConfederateVamp says: X3


	9. Let's Burn Us Some Chicken Named Edward!

A/N: Okay, so this randomly came to mind and I had to write it down. It's kind of stupid, but really, so are the other antics of the Cullen siblings, especially Emmett and Jasper. Enjoy.

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, Bella-Da-Twilighter-10, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, IllianaIsis613, mizzcrakster, Imagination-ADDICT, Purple Staplers, AlexCullen54321, DarkAngelz200, Bella to the Max, icklefritz, 4eva, Hazelnholly, bigbrock95, Fulgars, twilightreader94, Andylee, SilverSailorMoonGoddness, Bella503, Ali4izz, Stonellato, dumdumdidday, Rosalie12345, TAMMY, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, jen, KenziCullen, and punkin1294.**** THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT!!! YOU ALL GET COOKIES!!!**

--

Edward- _cuteandcuddly_

Bella- _IheartJacob_

Emmett- _StrongerThanYou_

Alice- _DancerVamp_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

--

IheartJacob says: So tell me Alice, what are you up to?

DancerVamp says: Oh nothing much. I'm painting my nails.

DancerVamp says: Jasper and Emmett are plotting something, I know it.

IheartJacob says: Do I want to know?

DancerVamp says: No, probably not.

_ConfederateVamp has signed on_

_StrongerThanYou has signed on_

ConfederateVamp says: We should tie him up first

StrongerThanYou says: He won't let us

ConfederateVamp says: You know what we need? Stronger rope

DancerVamp says: What are you guys talking about?

ConfederateVamp says: Like you don't know, Alice?

StrongerThanYou says: How about you help us so we don't get caught?

DancerVamp says: No thanks. I don't really want to be on the recieving end of his wrath.

StrongerThanYou says: He won't get away. He'll be all tied up!

IheartJacob says: Hey, is this another prank on Edward?

StrongerThanYou says: Maybe.

ConfederateVamp says: Emmett, I got the matches and the rope

StrongerThanYou says: I have the wood in my room.

StrongerThanYou says: Okay, on my signal Jasper. Commence phase 12: operation catch Edward!! Wahaha!!

_StrongerThanYou has signed off_

_ConfederateVamp has signed off_

DancerVamp says: I have a bad feeling...

IheartJacob says: I don't think I want to know what they're doing...

_cuteandcuddly has signed on_

cuteandcuddly says: Hey Alice, do you know why Emmett has a bunch of firewood?

cuteandcuddly says: What's going on?

cuteandcuddly says: No, stop it! Emmett! Get away!!

cuteandcuddly says: GSJGJsjgjgjsSSETGYSGJSHSGAhfkjgkslgjskjeoraqwpogiu

IheartJacob says: Edward?

IheartJacob says: Alice, Edward isn't schizophrenic is he?

DancerVamp says: ^_^

DancerVamp says: No, they're tickling him again. And he's trying to resist them.

IheartJacob says: Really...?

DancerVamp says: Uh-oh.

IheartJacob says: What, what?

DancerVamp says: They're tying up Edward to a tree outside...and Emmett lit the wood around him...Edward's screaming now...

IheartJacob says: He's not hurt is he?

DancerVamp says: No, no, he's screaming bloody murder at his brothers...

DancerVamp says: If you could hear what he's saying...I never knew he could say that many swear words...

IheartJacob says: I don't think I do

DancerVamp says: Right. He could put a sailor to shame....

DancerVamp says: I better go, Edward's screaming something in Chinese...or is it Indonesian? No, it's Russian...no, French? No...ooh, Korean!!

IheartJacob says: Stop guessing and go help Edward!!

DancerVamp says: All right, all right. Calm down, Bella. I've got everything under control.

DancerVamp says: I'll talk to you later Bella

_DancerVamp has signed off_

IheartJacob says: I can't believe I want to marry into this family...


	10. Mentally Unstable

A/N: This is what happens when you put four crazy people together and one of them starts to hallucinate. Which is what happened today... We so should have video-recorded it and put it on YouTube...dammit.

Well, I hope you enjoy anyway. I had so much fun witnessing the breakdown of my friend and a lot of laughs while writing this chapter.

This is the new Edward.

_DEDICATED TO HOFSISS, THE ONE WHO WENT CRAZY. I know we didn't really help much, did we? X3_

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, Bella-Da-Twilighter-10, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, IllianaIsis613, mizzcrakster, Imagination-ADDICT, Purple Staplers, AlexCullen54321, DarkAngelz200, Bella to the Max, icklefritz, 4eva, Hazelnholly, bigbrock95, Fulgars, twilightreader94, Andylee, SilverSailorMoonGoddness, Bella503, Ali4izz, Stonellato, dumdumdidday, Rosalie12345, TAMMY, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, jen, KenziCullen, punkin1294, punkrocker96, MrsBCullen96, MissMusicLover, Lizzie-tart, Aviva636, Alucardsblood, ShiteruSASU09, and Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen****. ****THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT!!! YOU ALL GET COOKIES!!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Bella- _FuzzehSocks_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

Jasper- _IControlYourEmotions_

Rosalie- _betterThanyou_

--

Edward says: I'm bored...

FuzzehSocks says: Again?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Don't break anything.

Edward says: I wasn't going to!

IControlYourEmotions says: Your boredom management still needs some work.

Edward says: ...

Edward says: SHUT UP!!!

FuzzehSocks says: Edward?

Edward says: I hear voices!!

Edward says: They won't go away!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, dear, you always hear voices

Edward says: Why are you telling me to dye my hair blue?!

thecutestlittlepixie says: That would be Emmett.

IControlYourEmotions says: Dumbass. You're a mind reader.

Edward says: With polka dots?!

IControlYourEmotions says: That would be a sight to see.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Jazzy, be nice.

IControlYourEmotions says: What? It's true.

Edward: WHO'S TOUCHING ME?!?!

_Cullen5 has signed on_

_betterThanYou has signed on_

Cullen5 says: What's going on with Edward?

Edward says: SOMEONE IS TOUCHING ME!!

betterThanYou says: Edward, you're alone in your room. No one else is near you.

Edward says: I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!! THERE'S SOMEONE IN MY ROOM!!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Can someone sedate him before he breaks something?

Cullen5 says: Sure. Where's that big needle?

Edward says: I HAVE A STALKER!!! AGH!!! GET AWAY!!

FuzzehSocks says: Uh...can you hurry?

Edward says: GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! MOMMY!!!

Cullen5 says: He did not just cry for his mother.

IControlYourEmotions says: Oh yes he did.

Cullen5 says: Ooooh.

IControlYourEmotions says: Black-mail him once he's back to normal?

Cullen5 says: Damn straight!

Edward says: SOMEONE'S TOUCHING ME AGAIN!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: All right, no plotting you guys. We have to get him.

Edward says: THERE'S MORE PEOPLE AROUND ME!! THEY'RE LAUGHING AT ME!!!

betterThanyou says: Now?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yeah. NOW.

Edward says: You're not real, you're not real, you're not real....

FuzzehSocks says: Hey, Edward, it's okay. We're here...

Edward says: I WILL CLEANSE YOUR SOUL!! BEGONE EVIL SPIRITS!!

FuzzehSocks says: Edward...

Edward says: WINDEX!!!

FuzzehSocks says: I think he's gone.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Long gone is more like it.

betterThanyou says: Damn right.

Edward says: LYSOL!!!

Edward says: BACK, BACK, BACK EVIL SPIRITS!!!

Cullen5 says: Jasper and I'll get him.

_Cullen5 has signed off_

_IControlYourEmotions has signed off_

thecutestlittlepixie says: It won't take them very long.

Edward says: A SPIRIT'S POINTING A SWORD AT ME!!! GET AWAY!!

betterThanyou says: That would be Emmett.

FuzzehSocks says: Do you think Edward will be all right?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Sure he will. Don't you worry.

betterThanyou says: He'll be back to normal within two weeks.

FuzzehSocks says: ...

Edward says: I WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!!

Edward says: GSELTJWOSIglkjgsltgkjeogpjposjetpoGHSOITHSOIGHAOgosihgosihgsgSGPSGOJSPOGJUPOSE

_Edward has signed off_

thecutestlittlepixie says: And Edward has left the building.


	11. Epic Failure, Part 1

A/N: Sorry it's so late! Enjoy!

NOTE #1: This is one of many parts. Not sure how many yet.

NOTE #2: I have posted a companion piece to this. If you have wondered what happened while the IM was going on, this is your chance. The chapters won't be in order. The first chapter is Chapter 10: Mentally Unstable.

NOTE #3: I had an idea for a chapter just for Rosalie, but that will be put on hold for an unsure amount of time. The insanity will spread.

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, Bella-Da-Twilighter-10, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, IllianaIsis613, mizzcrakster, Imagination-ADDICT, Purple Staplers, AlexCullen54321, DarkAngelz200, Bella to the Max, icklefritz, 4eva, Hazelnholly, bigbrock95, Fulgars, twilightreader94, Andylee, SilverSailorMoonGoddness, Bella503, Ali4izz, Stonellato, dumdumdidday, Rosalie12345, TAMMY, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, jen, KenziCullen, punkin1294, punkrocker96, MrsBCullen96, MissMusicLover, Lizzie-tart, Aviva636, Alucardsblood, ShiteruSASU09, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, iluvedward17, -TEAM NEWTON-, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, monkeybrat2993, LetItRock, Candi Cullen, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, DebraCullen, and MaryAlice7081****. ****THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT!!! NOW YOU GET ICE-CREAM CAKE!!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Rosalie- _betterThanyou_

--

Edward says: So Rose, how did your one goal for the day go?

betterThanyou says: ...Do you really want to know?

Edward says: Yes, actually.

betterThanyou says: -sighs- Fine.

betterThanyou says: I tried to make brownies.

Edward says: And...?

betterThanyou says: -glares- And they exploded.

Edward says: ...

Edward says: What?

betterThanyou says: See, this is why I didn't want to tell you.

Edward says: How can brownies explode?

Edward says: You can't make brownies explode!

betterThanyou says: Oh, shut up.

Edward says: What, did you just touch them and they exploded?

betterThanyou says: No!

Edward says: Epic. Failure.

betterThanyou says: If you don't shut the hell up, I will go to your room and dump the bowl of batter on your head.

Edward says: X3

Edward says: Catch me if you can.

_Edward has signed off._


	12. Happy Birthday Edward

A/N: I am SO sorry it's a week and a half late. I've been very busy trying to keep up with grades... So anyway, this chapter randomly came to me when I realized that I could write a chapter about birthdays. I brought back the booze, too.

AND GUESS WHAT: my birthday's next Tuesday! I'm turning 17! I still can't believe it. I'm a quarter away from becoming a senior and I'm almost 17. Eeesh. Scary thought. Very scary.

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, MegLuvzHerEdward, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, IllianaIsis613, mizzcrakster, Imagination-ADDICT, Purple Staplers, AlexCullen54321, DarkAngelz200, Bella to the Max, icklefritz, 4eva, Hazelnholly, bigbrock95, Fulgars, twilightreader94, Andylee, SilverSailorMoonGoddness, Bella503, Ali4izz, Stonellato, dumdumdidday, Rosalie12345, TAMMY, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, jen, KenziCullen, punkin1294, punkrocker96, MrsBCullen96, MissMusicLover, Lizzie-tart, Aviva636, Alucardsblood, ShiteruSASU09, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, iluvedward17, -TEAM NEWTON-, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, monkeybrat2993, LetItRock, Candi Cullen, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, DebraCullen, MaryAlice7081, s2 dean alec jensen, xSilentDreaming, livicullen01, FalfromHeavenSlidedownaRainbow, mauraoel, and SailorMoonFighter****. ****THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT!!! HAVE SOME ICE-CREAM!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

Jasper- _IControlYourEmotions_

--

Cullen5 says: Happy birthday, Edward!

Edward says: What are you talking about?

thecutestlittlepixie says: It's your birthday!

Edward says: Today is NOT my birthday!

IControlYourEmotions says: Yes, it is.

Edward says: No.

thecutestlittlepixie says: We say it is so it is your birthday!

Edward says: I DON'T HAVE BIRTHDAYS ANYMORE, REMEMBER?!?!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Stop being such a sour-puss

Edward says: I'M NOT BEING A SOUR-PUSS!! I'M NOT A CAT!!

IControlYourEmotions says: Let's make him a cat, Alice.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yay!

thecutestlittlepixie says: You'll look so darling with kitty ears!

Edward says: You are not going to dress me up!

Cullen5: HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD!!

Edward: Emmett, will you stop?! My birthday is not today!

Cullen5 says: But we have presents...

Edward says: Give them back to the store, then.

thecutestlittlepixie says: No party?

Edward says: Stop pouting.

thecutestlittlepixie says: I wanted a party with lots of presents and balloons and cake and presents!!!

Cullen5 says: We have booze

IControlYourEmotions says: You know we shouldn't give Edward that

Edward says: Booze?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Why not? It'll make things interesting

Edward says: Give me some!

thecutestlittlepixie says: WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PARTY!! BRING OUT THE CAKE!!

Edward says: Who in their right mind would want cake that you made yourself, Alice?

IControlYourEmotions says: Edward, don't ruin her fun.

Edward says: Who says I was? Just give me some goddamn beer and I'll do it.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yay!

Edward says: And that does not include me being tied up and having cake thrown at me, Emmett!

Cullen5 says: ....Damn.


	13. Bad Luck? Or A Haunting?

A/N: I know that it was horrible of me to delay the next chapter this long, but unfortunately I am blocked from this website until school is out. The only reason I'm on now is because I'm at school.

So anyway, I had planned this chapter for a long time and this is one of my favorites. This will definitely be the next chapter for Behind The Scenes (you can check it out while you're waiting for the next chapter for this, because I'm not sure when I'll be able to upate again.)

**Thanks to: Ashley Cullen 8, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Edwardsgirl1901, KKperson22, Kristin Rey, SarahDakota, Staticterminator, Tara-Cullen, Twilighter328, Usnavi, coolppl13, loveheart12, nbf4eva, twilighterlover211, yumi2482, Beckah-lynn, Derangedpixie, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Flyingtothestars, Gold Eyed Girl, Live in Dreams, loverofallvampirekinds, Princess Eclpise, Teenactress95, bubblez-x, gsrfan08, iness, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, emmettandrose4ever, hungrylikethewolf1994, Twitchy the Pyro, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, Candylover4126, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, omg44448888, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Softballnutster, Linwe-Ancalime, cotten117, rayayn, diehardTWIhard, ayurox13, jiaquianyin, EmmettLover2, Tyla-Cullen, punkin1294, twilightaholic77297, Knut Case, Verinova, Stacey and E Productions, Mrs-Cullen-410, twilightfreak25, MegLuvzHerEdward, Rose L. Hale04, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, Jazmin Torres, whatsernameuk, kasperwanna, RhianneMidNightSun, IllianaIsis613, mizzcrakster, Imagination-ADDICT, Purple Staplers, AlexCullen54321, DarkAngelz200, Bella to the Max, icklefritz, 4eva, Hazelnholly, bigbrock95, Fulgars, twilightreader94, Andylee, SilverSailorMoonGoddness, Bella503, Ali4izz, Stonellato, dumdumdidday, Rosalie12345, TAMMY, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, jen, KenziCullen, punkin1294, punkrocker96, MrsBCullen96, MissMusicLover, Lizzie-tart, Aviva636, Alucardsblood, ShiteruSASU09, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, iluvedward17, -TEAM NEWTON-, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, monkeybrat2993, LetItRock, Candi Cullen, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, DebraCullen, MaryAlice7081, s2 dean alec jensen, xSilentDreaming, livicullen01, FalfromHeavenSlidedownaRainbow, mauraoel, SailorMoonFighter, and edwardissexierthanusince1918****. ****THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT!!! I WANT CUPCAKES SO I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TOO!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

--

Edward says: Today was weird.

Cullen5 says: Everything is weird in the life of the Cullens.

Edward says: You're not planning anything, are you?

Cullen5 says: ...No, why?

Edward says: Gee, I wonder why...

Cullen5 says: That's what I'm asking.

Edward says: -head/desk-

Edward says: Has anything tried to kill you today?

Cullen5 says: Unless you count Rose

Edward says: I'm not talking about Rose! I'm talking about an inanimate object!

Cullen5 says: ...Are you all right, Edward? Has everything gone to your head?

Edward says: I'M FINE!!! NOW ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!!

Cullen5 says: Calm down, calm down...

Cullen5 says: What inaminate object are you talking about?

Edward says: The flower pot.

Cullen5 says: What about it?

Edward says: It fell.

Cullen5 says: That wasn't me.

Edward says: Oh, so I suppose that the flower pot holding Esme's violets just skipped off the shelf and almost fell on my head.

Cullen5 says: The flower pot's alive?!?!?

Edward says: No, idiot!

_thecutestlittlepixie has signed on_

thecutestlittlepixie says: What are you going on about now, Edward?

Edward says: Emmett here thinks the flower pot's alive

Cullen5 says: Because it's true! They were in a different spot yesterday! This confirms my suspicions!

Edward says: What the hell are you talking about, Emmett? Esme watered them yesterday, of course they would have moved.

Edward says: Anyway, now he thinks it's true because I said that the flower pot almost killed me.

thecutestlittlepixie says: What are you talking about?

Edward says: THE FLOWER POT WANTS TO MURDER ME, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!! EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE IS PLOTTING AGAINST ME I SWEAR!!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Have you gotten more paranoid in the two hours we left you alone?

Edward says: ...No.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Uh-huh.

thecutestlittlepixie says: What did you do?

Edward says: Nothing!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yeah, sure.

Edward says: Alice...

Edward says: Why is my stereo on?! **(1)**

thecutestlittlepixie says: Did you turn it on?

Edward says: I'm not anywhere near it! Ha! Found the remote! Off, turn off...

Edward says: There! Hahaha!

Cullen5 says: You're crazy.

Edward says: I am not.

Edward says: WHAT THE HELL IT TURNED BACK ON!!!

Edward says: TURN OFF TURN OFF TURN OFF ALREADY DAMMIT!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: I think we need to put him in therapy.

Cullen5 says: Yeah...

Edward says: There! It's off and unplugged, now...

Edward says: No!! What the hell is wrong with this thing?!?!?

Edward says: The newest technology is supposed to obey it's master! You will obey me, dammit!!

Cullen5 says: What are you talking about?

thecutestlittlepixie says: What are you doing, Edward?

Edward says: There, finally. The beast is dead and shall stay dead, or it will rot in hell

thecutestlittlepixie says: It's not a person, Edward. And it never was.

Cullen5 says: I don't think he knows the difference.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Sometimes I think you don't either.

Edward says: THAT'S WHAT IT WANTS YOU TO THINK!!!! THERE IS A MASS PLOT AGAINST US!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: He's cracked. Again.

Edward says: AGH!! STOP PLAYING THE PROCLAIMERS YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!!! WILL YOU DIE ALREADY?!?!?!

Cullen5 says: I think he needs help.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Serious help.

Edward says: There. I'm done.

Edward says: I am leaving this room. It's not safe here.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, this house is perfectly safe for vampires.

Edward says: You don't know that. Has this house been inspected lately?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, really?

Cullen5 says: Did Edward just scream?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Like a little girl? Yes.

Edward says: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY PIANO!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!

Edward says: I TOLD YOU, ALICE!!! EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME!!!

Edward says: IT NEARLY KILLED ME!!! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!?!?!

thecutestlittlepixie says: ...I give up. He will never regain his sanity.

Cullen5 says: Obviously.

(1- the radio thing actually happened to my friend Hofsiss. Have you noticed that a lot of things seem to happen to him? Now he thinks I did it while were talking on the phone. I swear I didn't do it: he's as paranoid as Edward. We luff Hofsiss.)


	14. The Lament of the Piano

A/N: Okay, so this is sort of a continuation of the last chapter. I had fun with this. A hysterical Edward is great. :3

**Thanks to: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Duke of Paranoia, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, FalfromHeavenSlideDownaRainbow, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, and Miss Emmett Cullen96. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

Rosalie- _betterThanyou_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

thecutestlittlepixie says: Has anyone else noticed that something's a little...off, about Edward?

Cullen5 says: Duh. He's more depressed and emo than he usually is.

ConfederateVamp says: It doesn't really take much.

betterThanyou says: What happened this time?

thecutestlittlepixie says: I think it has something to do with his piano...

betterThanyou says: His piano? I came all the way downstairs and logged onto this stupid thing, just to hear that? I'm leaving.

Cullen5 says: Aw, Rose, come on.

ConfederateVamp says: Why can't we have a nice conversation between us anymore?

betterThanyou says: Because I don't feel like it.

ConfederateVamp says: You never do anything.

betterThanyou says: So?

Cullen5 says: She does plenty with me.

ConfederateVamp says: Yeah. I know. You don't have to explain.

thecutestlittlepixie says: ANYWAY!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Back to Edward

betterThanyou says: Why do we have to talk about that twit? He's annoying me.

ConfederateVamp says: There's a lot that annoys you.

betterThanyou says: Oh shut up.

Cullen5 says: I heard Edward earlier playing really badly on that electric guitar we have.

ConfederateVamp says: Was he playing worse than you?

betterThanyou says: Yes, even worse than Emmett.

Cullen5 says: Hey!

ConfederateVamp says: Emmett, you are banned from the guitar when we get it back from Edward.

thecutestlittlepixie says: You know, I think Edward was crying.

betterThanyou says: Anyone would cry if they could hear him playing.

ConfederateVamp says: Rose, be nice.

betterThanyou says: We're talking about our always-depressed-brother-when-he's-not-around-Bella-or-something-of-his-broke-so-he'll-cry-like-a-little-baby here! I don't believe I have to be nice.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Speaking of Edward, I saw that his new lyrics on his couch. It was all about his piano.

betterThanyou says: Why on earth would he write a damn song about his stupid piano?

ConfederateVamp says: He thinks it committed suicide when it jumped him yesterday.

Cullen5 says: ...

Cullen5 says: ...

Cullen5 says: ...Really?

thecutestlittlepixie says: It's not funny, Emmett.

Cullen5 says: Yes it is!

betterThanyou says: I wondered how his piano got destroyed...

ConfederateVamp says: Edward's even more paranoid than usual. He thinks everything in the house is out to get him.

Cullen5 says: We can definitely tell.

betterThanyou says: It's an improvement than the always-depressed Edward.

_Edward has signed on_

Edward says: Have you guys seen my piano?

Cullen5 says: Um...

ConfederateVamp says: ...

ConfederateVamp says: We haven't seen it, Edward.

Cullen5 says: It's in surgery for an open-heart procedure.

ConfederateVamp says: Emmett.

Edward says: TELL ME IT'LL BE OKAY!! TELL ME IT'S NOT GONE!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Now you set him off.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, it will be okay.

Edward says: MY PIANO WILL SURVIVE! IT'S STRONGER THAN THAT!! I'LL SAVE YOU!!

ConfederateVamp says: Calm down, Edward.

Edward says: It's not dead, it's not dead, it's not dead, it's not dead, it's not dead...

betterThanyou says: I'm surprised I'm saying this, but I'm actually worried about his sanity

Cullen5 says: I thought it was long gone, so we didn't have to worry.

betterThanyou says: That's true...

Edward says: IT'S NOT DEAD!! TELL ME IT'S OKAY!!

Cullen5 says: Hey Edward

Edward says: It's not true!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, it will be fine. Don't worry. We'll get you a new one.

Edward says: I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE DEAD!! COME BACK TO ME!!

betterThanyou says: He's worse than when he thought Bella left him

ConfederateVamp says: Wasn't that when she went to the grocery store without telling him?

Cullen5 says: Oh yeah, I remember that...

thecutestlittlepixie says: Can we focus here? We have a vampire in crisis here.

betterThanyou says: He can deal with the so-called death of his piano.

ConfederateVamp says: His mind is completely gone, remember?

Edward says: YOU WERE SO BEATIFUL, MY LOVELY PIANO! SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL IT MADE MY HEART BLEED! I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!

betterThanyou says: Don't tell me he's singing.

betterThanyou says: ...That's really off-key.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Come on guys, let's go restrain him.

Cullen5 says: Again?

betterThanyou says: Again. For the fifth time in two days.

ConfederateVamp says: Let's hope he didn't cause any permanent damage this time...


	15. Detective Cullen

A/N: We're taking a break from the hysterical/insane Edward for now. We can't pick on him forever...or maybe we can. I don't know, if you guys want him back put in a vote.

So now it's Emmett and Jasper stirring up trouble again. Enjoy.

**Thanks to: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Duke of Paranoia, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, FalfromHeavenSlideDownaRainbow, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, and MariieLautnerCullen22****. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!! I LOVE YA GUYS!!**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

Cullen5 says: You ready Jasper?

ConfederateVamp says: Sure. I have nothing else to do.

Cullen5 says: :3

_Edward has signed on_

Edward says: Hey

Cullen5 says: It appears that the subject is trying to communicate with us.

ConfederateVamp says: Very interesting.

Edward says: What the hell are you two talking about?

Edward says: Are you two watching your weird movies again?

ConfederateVamp says: I see that the subject is expressing his confusion.

Cullen5 says: Perhaps this will lead to some interesting developments.

Edward says: ...

ConfederateVamp says: The subject appears to be lost.

Cullen5 says: I can confirm that.

ConfederateVamp says: I believe that he is trying to communicate with one Rosalie Hale.

Cullen5 says: The witness is now yelling at me for being a moronic idiot.

ConfederateVamp says: That can be confirmed.

Cullen5 says: I have dodged Mysterious Object A and have confiscated it. It appears to be a hairbrush.

ConfederateVamp says: We can use that for future evidence of treason.

Cullen5 says: Do we have support?

ConfederateVamp says: Yes. The subject is giving us the perfect opportunity.

Edward says: What are you two doing?

ConfederateVamp says: The subject is back in his room.

Cullen5 says: Yes. The subject has locked his doors and windows.

Edward says: I can see you two, you know. Stop pretending to hide behind my door!

ConfederateVamp says: I wonder if he has become suspicious.

Cullen5 says: Hard to say.

Edward says: ...

ConfederateVamp says: The subject is now attempting to barracade himself inside his room.

Cullen5 says: We'll be able to get through. He can't hide from us long.

Edward says: Jasper, stop playing this game of military man!

ConfederateVamp says: I am not of the military service. I do more secret work, you cretin.

Edward says: Right. And I'm wearing my grandmother's bloomers.

Cullen5 says: Are you really? I had no idea you were a lady.

Edward says: I am not wearing those bloody bloomers!!

Cullen5 says: Touchy, ain't he?

ConfederateVamp says: I shall look into his closet and see if he is in the possession of bloomers.

Edward says: Are you two spying on me?

ConfederateVamp says: How to say this coolly and professionally...

Cullen5 says: No shite, Sherlock

ConfederateVamp says: That's not what I meant.

Edward says: Screw you Watson!

Cullen5 says: Look, he told a joke!

ConfederateVamp says: He's onto us.

Cullen5 says: ARREST THE BLOODY VILLIAN!!

Edward says: ...

_Edward has signed off_

Cullen5 says: And I do believe that the subject's heinous ways are now thwarted. We have rescued the bloomers!


	16. Never Ask Your Siblings For Inspiration

A/N: Hey all. Sorry again about the long wait for the next chapter. I was very busy this summer with looking at colleges and cleaning. But I plan on updating as much as possible.

Not listening to flamers. You will heat my house in the winter.

Also - I would like to share that I plan on changing my penname at the end of the month to _Mon Petit Pierrot_.

**MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS! : -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Duke of Paranoia, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, FalfromHeavenSlideDownaRainbow, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, and MariieLautnerCullen22****.**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

Alice- _GypsyVamp_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

--

Edward says: Guys, I need some ideas.

Edward says: Help?

blondeisthenewblack says: Wow, the great Edward himself is asking for help. What a surprise.

Edward says: What is that supposed to mean?

ConfederateVamp says: Exactly what she says

Edward says: Which is what?

ConfederateVamp says: You're smarter than that, Edward.

Edward says: I never know what Rose means. She always changes her mind

blondeisthenewblack says: I do not

Edward says: About clothes and shoes and when to screw Emmett you do

blondeisthenewblack says: Hmph.

Cullen5 says: So you know when Rose and I screw each other?

Edward says: Yes unfortunately

Cullen5 says: Cool! So you know--

Edward says: Please do not finish that thought Emmett. I would like to retain what's left of my sanity

blondeisthenewblack says: Not much left.

GyspsyVamp says: Okay, so what kind of help do you need Edward?

Cullen5 says: Betting?

ConfederateVamp says: Cheating?

blondeisthenewblack says: Being an asshole 101?

GyspyVamp says: Something dirty?

Edward says: Huh?

GyspyVamp says: It's something dirty! I knew it! You bad, bad boy, you!

Edward says: What are you talking about?

ConfederateVamp says: And here I thought you were the golden boy, Edward

Edward says: But I--what--no--...huh?

blondeisthenewblack says: Well, we can help you there

Edward says: Help me where?

Cullen5 says: Down there of course

Edward says: ...

Edward says: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!

Edward says: That's the last time I ask you guys for inspiration to write music!

_Edward has signed off_

Cullen5 says: That's what he was on for?

GyspyVamp says: Huh.


	17. This Is Halloween

A/N: Geez, I am so sorry about taking forever to update! I've been way too busy with school (senior this year, remember...high school will be the death of me, I swear). Anyway, I will try to write some more and update whenever I can.

_If you are confused on who I am, check back to last chapter and remember that I said I was changing my name from Chou Aoi to Mon Petit Pierrot. Thanks for reading._

**MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, FalfromHeavenSlideDownaRainbow, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, and TwilightJALICELOVe.  
**

--

Edward- _Edward_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

--

Cullen5 says: Don't you just love Halloween?

Edward says: Sure, why not?

Cullen5 says: I got so much candy!

Cullen5 says: It was too easy.

Edward says: Yippee.

Cullen5 says: Geez, Edward, what crawled up your ass and died?

Edward says: Screw you.

Cullen5 says: No thanks. I got Rose for that.

Edward says: -head/desk-

ConfederateVamp says: Did you steal your candy from the humans, Emmett?

Cullen5 says: Nope

Cullen5 says: Why would you think that?

ConfederateVamp says: I think the screaming humans running away from a certain lumber-jack would be a clue...

Cullen5 says: Well...

Cullen5 says: Maybe I had a little too much fun with that ax...

Cullen5 says: And the fake blood...

Cullen5 says: But still...

ConfederateVamp says: -shakes head-

ConfederateVamp says: This is why you should not be trusted with ANY sharp objects

Cullen5 says: X3

Cullen5 says: Hey, look at what I found!

ConfederateVamp says: Edward's candy?

Cullen5 says: Yep!

Edward says: WHAT?!

Cullen5 says: Ooh, chocolate! Hey, Eddy-kins, can I have it?

Edward says: I AM NOT EDDY-KINS!

Edward says: AND NO YOU CANNOT HAVE THE CHOCOLATE!

Cullen5 says: Why can't I call you that?

Cullen5 says: You respond to it all the time

Edward says: That's because I don't like it

Cullen5 says: Really?

Cullen5 says: If you didn't like it you wouldn't respond

ConfederateVamp says: He has a point, Edward

Edward says: SHUT THE HELL UP AND GIVE ME BACK MY GODDAMN CANDY!!

Cullen5 says: I don't wanna...

Edward says: Emmett, I'm warning you

ConfederateVamp says: This is going to be interesting

Edward says: 5...

Cullen5 says: Cool! A glowing frog!

Edward says: 4...

Edward says: Why are you laughing like that Emmett?

Edward says: What did you do?

Cullen5 says: I found your pixie-sticks!

Edward says: _THOSE ARE MY PIXIE-STICKS!!!! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM!!!_

Cullen5 says: Druggie!

Edward says: Prick!

Cullen5 says: Drama queen!

Edward says: Idiotic moron!

Cullen5 says: That's two words, cheater!

Edward says: GIVE ME BACK THE PIXIE-STICKS!! THOSE ARE MINE AND THEY WILL ALWAYS BE MINE!

Cullen5 says: -sticks out tongue-

_Edward has signed off_

Cullen5 says: Oh crap.

ConfederateVamp says: -sighs-

Cullen5 says: Jasper! Edward's biting me!

Cullen5 says: Ow! Dammit, Edward! I need those!

ConfederateVamp says: You know how he is about pixie-sticks. You shouldn't have taken them

Cullen5 says: Something's wrong with him.

ConfederateVamp says: Emmett, he's a 108 year-old vampire addicted to pixie-sticks.

ConfederateVamp says: And you just figured out now that something's wrong with him?

Cullen5 says: ...

Cullen5 says: You know what we should do? We should give him a whole bag of pixie-sticks

Cullen5 says: That would be fun to see.

ConfederateVamp says: True...


	18. Hail The Pixie Stixs!

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairing: **none  
**Summary: **Edward has been driven crazy and shows no signs of recovery, Bella has disappeared, Emmett and Jasper continue to play their tricks on their mentally disabled brother, Rosalie is still just Rosalie and doesn't care. All is well with the Cullens.

**Note: **So this is the new format of the story, of all my stories actually. It's more formal, and formal's good right? So I've realized that Bella has not made an appearance since whenever, but don't expect her to come back except for Bella-bashing (Yay!) And Edward has acquired a new name. Finally came up with something for him other than _Edward._ I'm sorry that I have not been updating lately, but I've been raising grades and doing college applications. This might be the last chapter, and it's probably not even my best, for a while. BUT DO NOT WORRY - IT IS NOT DONE YET. IT SHALL LIVE FOREVER!!

Also, this is a congratulatory chapter for my friend Rose who was accepted into Hood College. Yay for Rose!

**Disclaimer: **ZOMG DISCLAIMER! Never had one. And I will not, or never, own this lovely fandom. Oh well. I can still torture Edward. X3

**--**

**Chapter 18: Hail The Pixie Stixs  
**

**--**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!!!!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, , Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, and TeamEdmundAndPeter.

--

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

Rosalie- _blondeisthenewblack_

Edward- _Since1901_

--

Since1901 says: YAY FOR PIXIE-STIXS!!!

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnom...

thecutestlittlepixie says: Did someone really give him pixie-stixs?

thecutestlittlepixie says: I thought we locked those up.

blondeisthenewblack says: I think you mean what idiot allowed him to have crack in the form of candy?

thecutestlittlepixie says: That too.

blondeisthenewblack says: I saw that the supposedly "heavy-duty" safe had been chewed around the edges and the door was torn off.

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnom....

blondeisthenewblack says: And if I have to guess who let Edward in the room where the safe was...

blondeisthenewblack says: It would be those two idiots giggling like little school girls in the corner.

thecutestlittlepixie says: So that's what they were doing all afternoon.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Jazzy wouldn't let me in our room.

blondeisthenewblack says: They were plotting then.

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnomnom....

blondeisthenewblack says: Are you really going to keep saying that, Edward?

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnom....

Since1901 says: I heart me some pixie-stixs!

Since1901 says: :)

thecutestlittlepixie says: Now he's talking like a girl.

blondeisthenewblack says: -shakes head-

blondeisthenewblack says: Now how did our brother--the one who was always moody and depressed--ended up in such a sad state of mind?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Wouldn't it have something to do with the fact that we have driven him crazy?

blondeisthenewblack says: That's possible.

Since1901 says: WAHAHAHA!!

Since1901 says: PIXIE-STIXS SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnom....

blondeisthenewblack says: ...

Since1901 says: Let's hear it for the pixie-stixs!!

blondeisthenewblack says: Yeah, it's definitely official now.

Since1901 says: Come on!

blondeisthenewblack says: He has lost his mind.

thecutestlittlepixie says: For once I agree with you.

Since1901 says: Who's with me?

thecutestlittlepixie says: What do you think we should do?

Since1901 says: HAIL THE PIXIE-STIXS!!

Since1901 says: Nomnomnomnomnom...

thecutestlittlepixie says: How many of those have you had, Edward?

Since1901 says: I lost count after...

Since1901 says: 1...2...3...

blondeisthenewblack says: Are you really counting on your fingers?

Since1901 says: I HAVE HAD X=2/5t Y4cMm BOXES OF PIXIE-STIXS!!! AND THE TOTAL IS FISH!!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: What should we do?

Since1901 says: And I shall have D6y1asT more boxes!! HA!

blondeisthenewblack says: Restrain him?

Since1901 says: Join me, my sisters!

Since1901 says: Together we will rule the world with pixie-stixs!

thecutestlittlepixie says: I think Emmett and Jazzy are barricaded themselves in the kitchen.

blondeisthenewblack says: Those cowards.

Since1901 says: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Rightfully so.

Since1901 says: HAIL THE PIXIE-STIXS!!!!

Since1901 says: WHERE DID MY PIXIE-STIXS GO?!?!?!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Oh no.

Since1901 says: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, YOU JERK, AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!

blondeisthenewblack says: Emmett and Jasper took Edward's pixie-stixs didn't they?

Since1901 says: GIVE ME BACK MY CANDY!!!!!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yep.

_Since1901 has signed off_


	19. You Do It!

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward has been driven crazy and shows no signs of recovery, Bella has disappeared, Emmett and Jasper continue to play their tricks on their mentally disabled brother, Rosalie is still just Rosalie and doesn't care. All is well with the Cullens.

**Note: **I am SO SORRY about not updating. I have not been inspired at all lately and my muses seem to have deserted me. Bah. I have a list of ideas with no idea how to write them out...BUT! I will figure something out and chapters will be flowing again soon... This is a dumb chapter...

**Disclaimer: **Tormenting Edward shall be my entertainment now. And then I will move on to...well, I'm not sure yet, but I'll think of something...was this supposed to be a disclaimer?

**--**

**Chapter 19: You Do It  
**

**--**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!!!!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, , Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, TeamEdmundAndPeter, TeamDraco, Alex54321, Digital Moon Fighter, xxbrainchickxx, and Emma-Jane Cullen.

--

Jasper- _ConfederateVamp_

Edward- _Since1901_

--

Cullen5 says: It's your turn, Edward.

Since1901 says: No, it's not.

Cullen5 says: Yes, it is.

Since1901 says: No.

Cullen5 says: Yes.

Since1901 says: No.

Cullen5 says: I WILL HACK YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE IF YOU DON'T SAY YES!!!

Since1901 says: I don't even have a facebook!

Since1901 says: What the hell is facebook, anyway?

Cullen5 says: LE GASP!!

Cullen5 says: EDWARD!!!

Cullen5 says: You don't know what facebook is?

Cullen5 says: Don't you realize what a social faux pas that is?

Since1901 says: Since when do you care?

Cullen5 says: I don't.

Since1901 says: And why...?

Cullen5 says: I WILL HACK ALL OF YOUR INTERNET ACCOUNTS!!!

Since1901 says: I don't have any.

Cullen5 says: I found your dating site, little brother

Since1901 says: SINCE WHEN DID I EVER GO ON DATING SITES?!?!?!?!

Cullen5 says: You were just a little 98 year-old vampire...

Cullen5 says: Oh how the years go by

Cullen5 says: My little brother is finally growing up!

Since1901 says: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME????

Cullen5 says: Who knew he was getting so old?

Since1901 says: WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD?!?!?!?!?

Cullen5 says: So what happened to Bella?

Since1901 says: -head/desk-

Since1901 says: Nothing I say will ever be listened to....

Cullen5 says: What were you saying, little brother?

Since1901 says: Screw you, Emmett.

Cullen5 says: So we're back to that again, are we?

Cullen5 says: You trying to seduce me?

Since1901 says: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!

Since1901 says: Why the hell would I want to do that?

Since1901 says: Rose would kill me.

Cullen5 says: Hmm...

Since1901 says: So it's your turn.

Cullen5 says: What?!

Cullen5 says: No it's not

Cullen5 says: I did it last time

Since1901 says: Did what?

Cullen5 says: What?

Since1901 says: What?

Cullen5 says: What?

Since1901 says: What?

Cullen5 says: It's still your turn.

Since1901 says: Why?

Cullen5 says: Because.

Since1901 says: No.

Cullen5 says: Yes.

Since1901 says: No.

Cullen5 says: No.

Since1901 says: Yes.

Cullen5 says: HA! TRICKED YOU!!

Since1901 says: I won't do it!

Cullen5 says: Yes you will!

Since1901 says: No

Cullen5 says: Yes!

Since1901 says: No!

---

_And so on...it will never stop at this rate..._


	20. A Vampire Musical

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward has been driven crazy and shows no signs of recovery, Bella has disappeared, Emmett and Jasper continue to play their tricks on their mentally disabled brother, Rosalie is still just Rosalie and doesn't care. All is well, so Alice says.

**Note: **I had been listening to Broadway music all day yesterday (mostly Wicked and Chicago), this has served as a muse for this chapter. I have also had a chocolate bunny and some jelly beans (thank Jazzy for that) so this might be very random. And it's EDWARD this time!

**Disclaimer: **Tormenting Edward shall be my entertainment now. And then I will move on to...well, I'm not sure yet, but I'll think of something...was this supposed to be a disclaimer?

**--**

**Chapter 20: A Vampire Musical****  
**

**--**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!!!!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, TeamDraco, Alex54321, Digital Moon Fighter, xxbrainchickxx, Emma-Jane Cullen, Hollywood Girl, SkippySkip15, Bgranger1990, and Minus5.

--

Edward- _Since1901_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

--

Cullen5 says: So Edward...

Cullen5 says: You're apparently more popular than I am...

Since1901 says: Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?

Cullen5 says: I thought we were all popular.

Since1901 says: Nope. I'm more good-looking than you...you're just all muscle-y and broody...or is that Jasper?

Since1901 says: Nope, that's just Jasper. He's got all that bad boy thing going on...

Since1901 says: You on the other hand...

Cullen5 says: Are you talking to yourself?

Since1901 says: I GOT IT!! You're the boy-next-door type!

Since1901 says: No, that's not right.

Cullen5 says: Edward? Stop talking to yourself.

Since1901 says: Nopenopenope!!! Don't think so.

Since1901 says: Not talking to myself!

Since1901 says: You just see no one else! Haha!

Cullen5 says: ...

Cullen5 says: Yeah...whatever you say...

Cullen5 says: Anyway...

Since1901 says: Ooh!

Since1901 says: I SHALL TEACH YOU HOW TO BE POPULAR!!

Cullen5 says: Oh god...

Since1901 says: Here, here!

Since1901 says: Listen, listen, listen, listen to me!

Since1901 says: You're gonna be popular! I'll teach you the proper poise, when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!

Since1901 says: I'll show you what shoes to wear! How to fix your hair! Everything that really counts to be POPULAR!

Cullen5 says: Are you singing?

Cullen5 says: Seriously? And squealing?

Since1901 says: I'll help you be popular! You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know.

Since1901 says: So let's start, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to goooooooooooooooooooooo!

Cullen5 says: I think the windows just cracked...

Since1901 says: Think of it as personality dialysis, now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sis--a BROTHER and advisor, there's nobody wiser! Now when it comes to POPULAR!

Cullen5 says: You know, this isn't really helping...

Since1901 says: I know about popular, and with an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were...well, are. There's nothing that can stop you, from becoming popu-ler...lar...

Cullen5 says: Are you even listening?

Since1901 says: La la, la la! We're gonna make you popular!

Cullen5 says: Apparently not. And your voice just cracked.

Cullen5 says: Hey, who's this 'we' business?

Since1901 says: Alice and Rose of course! Duh!

Cullen5 says: Oh no...

Since1901 says: You've interrupted my musical tirade!

Cullen5 says: Uh...sorry?

Since1901 says: YES!

Since 1901 says: When I see depressing creatures, with unprepossessing features

Cullen5 says: So I'm not just unpopular, I'm depressing?

Cullen5 says: That's...great...to know...

Since1901 says: I remind them on their own they have to think of celebrated heads of state, or 'specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh!

Since1901 says: HA!

Since1901 says: They were POPULAR! Please! It's all about popular! **(1)**

Cullen5 says: Edward!

Since1901 says: So it's very shrewd to be...

Cullen5 says: Edward!

Since1901 says: Very, very popular like me.

Cullen5 says: EDWARD!!

Since1901 says: What?

Cullen5 says: You don't need to sing about being popular, I get it that you're more popular than I am!

Since1901 says: I was singing?

Cullen5 says: Yeah? The cracked windows weren't enough to tip you off?

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: I thought they were already broken...

Since1901 says: ...I guess...no...?

Cullen5 says: You were singing something from that new musical.

Since1901 says: Ah. Well, nothing to worry about.

Cullen5 says: You say that and I still worry.

Cullen5 says: You haven't been exactly in the right state of mind for a while, little brother.

Since1901 says: I can see it in your mind, dear brother. No need to say it out loud of how you worry for me.

Cullen5 says: I worry more about your sanity.

Since1901 says: I had just a brief lapse of sanity, nothing more...

Cullen5 says: Sure...just keep telling yourself that.

Since1901 says: Oh, I will.

Since1901 says: Thanks for the advice, oh helpful older brother of mine.

Since1901 says: AND ALL THAT JAZZ!!! **(2)**

Cullen5 says: -sighs-

--

**1- "Popular", from Wicked. Just in case you haven't guessed yet. =3  
2- "All That Jazz", from Chicago.**


	21. Some Paranoia

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward has been driven crazy and shows no signs of recovery, Bella has disappeared, Emmett and Jasper continue to play their tricks on their mentally disabled brother, Rosalie is still just Rosalie and doesn't care. All is well, so Alice says.

**Note: **So this didn't turn out to be the best chapter...but I wanted to post something...and it amused me...because it's similar to a conversation I have with my little sister quite a lot...so...

**Disclaimer: **This is my only entertainment, so don't take it away from me, you damn legal people. I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. I'm warning you.

**--**

**Chapter 21: Some Paranoia  
**

**--**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!!!!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, TeamDraco, Alex54321, Digital Moon Fighter, xxbrainchickxx, Emma-Jane Cullen, Hollywood Girl, SkippySkip15, Bgranger1990, Minus5, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, Twilightbrawler, and MorganMarieCullen.

--

Edward- _Since1901_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

--

Since1901 says: Thanks SO MUCH for that crazy bear that almost tore my face off, Emmett.

Since1901 says: It was SO MUCH fun.

Cullen5 says: Only my little brother can murder the joy of hunting.

Since1901 says: Why, of course. It was SO MUCH fun almost getting bitten and possibly getting rabies.

Since1901 says: We should do it again sometime. Just you and me Emmett.

Cullen5 says: Uh-huh. Rabies won't affect you.

Since1901 says: Your point?

Cullen5 says: My point being that you wouldn't get rabies. Your head is just screwed up.

Since1901 says: It still would have eaten my face.

Since1901 says: And my head is not screwed. You just make it that way.

Cullen5 says: You are so difficult.

Since1901 says: Do you have a point you're trying to make?

Cullen5 says: Not really.

Cullen5 says: Did you like the blood, at least?

Since1901 says: Are you trying to distract me?

Cullen5 says: No, Edward. I'm trying to have a simple conversation with you.

Since1901 says: Simple, huh? Really.

Since1901 says: I say you're trying to distract me.

Cullen5 says: I'm not.

Since1901 says: Yes, you are. Is Jasper trying to sneak up on me now?

Cullen5 says: Jasper is no where near you.

Since1901 says: I can smell him.

Since1901 says: So don't tell me that he's not here.

Cullen5 says: I think you're just imagining things

Since1901 says: ARE YOU CALLING ME CRAZY?

Cullen5 says: Possibly, yeah.

Since1901 says: I am not crazy.

Cullen5 says: So you say.

Since1901 says: I do say. So I'm not crazy.

Since1901 says: So there.

Since1901 says: HA!

Cullen5 says: Uh-huh.

Cullen5 says: Keep telling yourself that.

Since1901 says: I will.

Since1901 says: But I still say that you and Jasper are plotting against me.

Cullen5 says: Why don't you ever believe me when I say that we are not stalking you?

Since1901 says: Because it's true.

Cullen5 says: -sighs-


	22. It's That Time Of Year Again

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward has been driven crazy and shows no signs of recovery, Bella has disappeared, Emmett and Jasper continue to play their tricks on their mentally disabled brother, Rosalie is still just Rosalie and doesn't care. All is well, so Alice says.

**Note: **Since this is a busy time of the year - graduation, senior community service project, exams, and a show or two - I will not be updating as often as I want. However, I have recently turned 18 so I thought I should write another birthday chapter like the one from last year. Remember that? =3

**Disclaimer: **This is my only entertainment, so don't take it away from me, you damn legal people. I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. I'm warning you.

* * *

**- Cullen Chat -**

**Chapter 22: It's That Time Of The Year Again**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, TeamDraco, Alex54321, Digital Moon Fighter, xxbrainchickxx, Emma-Jane Cullen, Hollywood Girl, SkippySkip15, Bgranger1990, Minus5, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, Twilightbrawler, MorganMarieCullen, xo-TeamEdward-ox, MYTHoLoGiCaL LuVeR, and Crazy-Mellow-Chan.

* * *

Edward- _Since1901_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Alice- _thecutestlittlepixie_

Jasper- _IControlYourEmotions_

* * *

Since1901 says: SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE CAT EARS SUPER-GLUED TO MY HEAD?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Are you sure about that Edward?

Since1901 says: Of course I'm sure! Who wouldn't be sure about having something FUZZY on their head!

Since1901 says: Get it off me!

IControlYourEmotions says: No can do.

Since1901 says: And why the hell not?

Cullen5 says: Because.

Since1901 says: Because why?

thecutestlittlepixie says: BECAUSE YOU'RE SO ADORABLE WITH CAT EARS! AND A TAIL! -squeals-

Since1901 says: A TAIL?

Since1901 says: Are you KIDDING me?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Nope.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Can I have a picture?

Since1901 says: I don't think so. You are out of your damn mind!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Oh come on!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Edward?

Since1901 says: No.

thecutestlittlepixie says: But it's your birthday!

Since1901 says: NO IT'S NOT!

Since1901 says: I SAID THIS LAST YEAR AND I SAID THIS YESTERDAY AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Say what?

Since1901 says: DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU DAMN PYSCHIATRIST PERSON!

thecutestlittlepixie says: I might as well be.

Since1901 says: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, HUH, ALICE?

Since1901 says: ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M INSANE?

Since1901 says: WELL? ARE YOU?

Since1901 says: I AM NOT INSANE!

Since1901 says: YOU'RE TRYING TO DISTRACT ME!

Since1901 says: YOU'RE PLOTTING AGAINST ME! AGAIN!

thecutestlittlepixie says: You're rambling, Edward.

Since1901 says: NO I AM NOT!

Since1901 says: AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Since1901 says: IT IS NOT MY BIRTHDAY!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yes, it is.

Since1901 says: No.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Yes!

Since1901 says: It hasn't since you stuck these stupid cat ears on my head!

Since1901 says: And a tail!

thecutestlittlepixie says: But you shouldn't feel ashamed, Eddie-kins! You look adorable!

Since1901 says: I AM NOT EDDIE-KINS GODDAMMIT!

thecutestlittlepixie says: So you're agreeing to your adorable-ness?

Since1901 says: What, no!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Well you are!

Since1901 says: NO!

Since1901 says: DO NOT COME NEAR ME!

Since1901 says: I REFUSE TO LEAVE MY ROOM!

Since1901 says: YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!

Cullen5 says: Hey Jasper, let's go get him.

IControlYourEmotions says: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Since1901 says: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEAVE ME ALONE! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Since1901 says: No cats no cats no cats no cats no cats!

thecutestlittlepixie says: This is so fun.

Since1901 says: glskgjlskejgseiohgosihglskhegtle!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Happy birthday, Edward!

Since1901 says: I WILL GET YOU BACK, MY PRETTY, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Edward, why are you quoting Wizard of Oz?

Since1901 says: I KNOW YOU'RE PLOTTING AGAINST ME!

Cullen5 says: Geez, you're paranoid.

Since1901 says: SHUT THE HELL UP!

IControlYourEmotions: We'll get you, Edward.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Just wait and see.

Since1901 says: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SO I WAS RIGHT!

Since1901 says: I AM NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER LEAVING MY ROOM AGAIN!

Cullen5 says: Don't repeat yourself.

Since1901 says: Shut. Up.


	23. It's That Time Of The Month Again

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward is now clinically insane with no guaranteed recovery soon, Emmett and Jasper are not helping by continuing to play their tricks on their mentally challenged brother, Bella is gone, and Rosalie still doesn't care. All is normal, so Alice says.

**Note: **I was discussing this idea with my sister/best friend and she thought it was a great idea. And there's a new summary! I love this summary. =3

**Disclaimer: **This is one of the few ways I amuse myself, other than many reruns of Pysch and being hyper on nothing but fruit snacks. I will hunt you down if you disappoint me...I'm talking to you, you damn lawyers! I WILL GET YOU!

* * *

**- Cullen Chat -**

**Chapter 23: It's That Time Of Month Again**

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS!: -TEAM NEWTON-, 19TopazAngel18, Ali4izz, Alucardsblood, Ashley Cullen 8, Aviva636, ayurox13, bella to the MAX, Candi Cullen, candylover4126, Carlisle's Favorite Daughter, coolppl13, cotten117, cutegirl03, DarkAngelz200, DebraCullen, Twitchy the Pyro, edwardissexierthanusince1918, Edward'sgirl1901, Emmetlover2, Fulgars, iluvedward17, Imagination-ADDICT, Jane-Vivian-Volturi, Jessica Whitlock, jiaquianyin, KKperson22, Knut Case, Kristen Rey, LetItRock, Little Miss Mary Alice Cullen, livicullen01, loveheart12, MaryAlice7081, mauraoel, Miss Music Lover, missy twilight, mizzcrakster, Mrs-Cullen-410, mzcullen4eva, nbf4eva, punkin1294, punkrocker96, Purple Staplers, rayayn, Rose L. Hale04, s2 dean alec jensen, SailerMoonFighter, Sarah Dakota, Seth'sOneAndOnly, ShiteruSASU09, Silver Sailor Moon Goddess, Staticterminator, Stonellato, Terra-Cullen, TierneyJean, Twiligter328, twilightfreak25, twilightlover211, twilightxlover, Tyla-Cullen, Unique Cullen, VampireSaraCullen, whatsernameuk, XlaraC, XtwilightXloverX4Xever, yumi2482, AlexCullen54321, Andylee, Bella503, bigbrock95, BookLuver14, bubblez-x, DarkFallenAngel69, Derangedpixie, diehardTWIhard, Flyingtothestars, gsrfan08, IllianaIsis613, iness, Jazmin Torres, jjchickybabe, lilmisschatterbox, Linwe-Ancalime, Lives In Dreams, marcuskristafan4ever, MegLuvsHerEdward, MrsBCullen96, Princess Eclpise, RhianneMidNightSun, Softballnutser, Stacey and E Productions, Suzette's Blue, Teenactress95, Usnavi, wantstobeacullen767, XI'mjustAKidLifeIsANightmareX, xSilentDreaming, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, alice8163, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, Live In Dreams, EdwardCullen4Life1901, Gold Eyed Girl, loverofallvampirekinds, lilmischatterbox, marcuskristafan4ever, LoneWolf, Sera, Leah, hungrylikethewolf1994, jess, Jasper Hale is My Luver, Larynn, music is in my blood, omg44448888, EmmettLover2, twilightaholic77297, Verinova, Edward-Cullen-Lova01, kasperwanna, icklefritz, 4eva, TAMMY, jen, HazelnHolly, twilightreader94, dumdumdidday, wannaBeCullen, J'ADORE JUICY COUTURE, KenziCullen, punkrocker96, Lizzie-tart, monkeybrat2993, LOveLifeTwilight, VampireSaraCullen, Dareemar, SailorMoonFighter, SailorMoonGoddess, Miss Emmett Cullen96, MariieLautnerCullen22, runawaystarling, MissMollyCullen, teetag, aquamysticwriter, dramagirl237, TwilightJALICELOVe, inupluskaglover, ace613, iluvedward17, brainchick, Nikki2202, pixie, Sweet-Confessions, TeamDraco, Alex54321, Digital Moon Fighter, xxbrainchickxx, Emma-Jane Cullen, Hollywood Girl, SkippySkip15, Bgranger1990, Minus5, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, Twilightbrawler, MorganMarieCullen, xo-TeamEdward-ox, MYTHoLoGiCaL LuVeR, Crazy-Mellow-Chan, peace with the world, ECISLove2010, Chocoville, and Love-lelo.

* * *

Edward- _Since1901_

Emmett- _Cullen5_

Jasper- _Jazzykins_

* * *

Since1901 says: OMG WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY PANTS?

Cullen5 says: Did he just say what I think he said?

Since1901 says: MY WONDERFUL LEATHER PANTS ARE RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUINED!

Jazzykins says: ...Yes. If you saw it correctly.

Since1901 says: MY LEATHER PANTS!

Cullen5 says: I think I did.

Since1901 says: LEATHER PANTS!

Cullen5 says: What about it?

Since1901 says: HOW DARE YOU! DID YOU SABOTAGE MY PANTS?

Jazzykins says: Since when did he wear leather pants?

Since1901 says: SINCE, LIKE, FOREVER!

Jazzykins says: Did you just say 'like'?

Cullen5 says: Yes. Yes, he did.

Cullen5 says: Our brother is turning into a girl.

Since1901 says: SCREW YOU WATSON! DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!

Cullen5 says: Watson...are you going off about that detective thing again?

Jazzykins says: Well he can't be Sherlock, he's freaking out too much.

Since1901 says: SHERLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK! I WANNA BE SHERLOCK HIS HAIR IS SOOOOO COOL!

Since1901 says: WAIT WAIT! OMG OMG OMG!

Cullen5 says: Why is Edward freaking out so much?

Jazzykins says: I don't really know...what was in his cereal this morning?

Since1901 says: LUUUUUUUUUUUCKY CHAAAAAAAAAAARMS! IT'S WHAT FOR BREAKFAST!

Since1901 says: YOU SONS OF BEYOTCHES!

Cullen5 says: That explains it.

Since1901 says: I WANT MY LUCKY CHARMS! YOU WILL NOT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!

Jazzykins says: We can never let him have lucky charms again.

Cullen5 says: ...Yeah you got that right.

Since1901 says: OMG MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!

Cullen5 says: Why are you talking like that?

Since1901 says: I TALK LIKE I WANNA TALK DAMN YOU EMMETT LEAVE ME ALONE!

Since1901 says: YOU'RE SO MEAN!

Cullen5 says: I didn't do anything!

Since1901 says: MY POOR PANTS!

Jazzykins says: Holy crap, his mood just shifted like crazy...

Cullen5 says: Edward, are you PMSing?

Since1901 says: WHAT IS THIS "PMSING" YOU SPEAK OF? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I AM NOT PMSIYSGLSG!

Jazzykins says: Now he's mad.

Jazzykins says: And he can't spell.

Cullen5 says: Yep, he's PMSing...

Since1901 says: SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU SON OF A BEYOTCH!

Since1901 says: WE MUST HOLD A FUNERAL FOR MY POOR PANTS!

Jazzykins says: Depressed...

Since1901 says: STOP NARRATING MY LIFE! YOU'RE ALL JERKS!

Since1901 says: MY POOR LEATHER PANTS MUST BE SAVED! BREATHE DAMMIT!

Cullen5 says: Edward, pants are not alive.

Since1901 says: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND, EMMETT!

Since1901 says: I THOUGHT WE WERE BROTHERS!

Jazzykins says: Adoptive brothers, you mean.

Since1901 says: SHUT UP YOU!

Cullen5 says: Is he high on sugar or is he PMSing?

Jazzykins says: I think it's a combonation of both...

Since1901 says: I'M GOING TO MY EMO CORNER! DON'T LOOK FOR ME THERE!

Cullen5 says: Then why did you just say where you were?

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ASSHOLE!

Cullen5 says: Why are you talking in all CAPS?

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: ...

Since1901 says: I DON'T KNOW!

Since1901 says: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Since1901 says: IF I WANT TO TALK LIKE THIS I CAN IF I WANT!

Since1901 says: SO THERE! ASSWHIPE!

Jazzykins says: Smooth.

Since1901 says: SHUT UP!

Cullen5 says: Here we go again.


	24. To Be A Real Psychic

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward is now clinically insane with no guaranteed recovery soon, Emmett and Jasper are not helping by continuing to play their tricks on their mentally challenged brother, Bella is gone, and Rosalie still doesn't care. All is normal, so Alice says.

**Note: **So I was looking over the user names for the Cullens and I was thinking that Edward's was a little...outdated, wouldn't you say? So I changed his name to something that is far more appropriate to this entire thing. =3

I just realized that this was totally...extremely...late. Wow. I've gotten caught up in a bunch of crap and then I left the country for 2 weeks. I'm so sorry!

Second thing, please ignore the fact that all the thank you's are gone. It's not my fault I swear. I was fixing up the document because it decided to italize itself and when I saved it, all the names disappeared. So I'm not doing all of them again, but please know that EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU deserve a HUGE THANK YOU and a big hug and a MOUNTAIN of cookies for supporting this.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, on a better note...I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED WITH HIGH SCHOOL (this was about a month ago)! This chapter is for all those high school graduates. Go 2010! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

___

* * *

_

**- Cullen Chat -**

**Chapter 24: To Be A Real Psychic**

* * *

Edward- YouWillNotFindMeHere

Emmett- Cullen5

Alice- thecutestlittlepixie

Jasper- Jazzykins

Rosalie- blondeisthenewblack

* * *

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: I will predict the future!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Eddy, that's my job.

thecutestlittlepixie says: You have no psychic powers.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: DO NOT CALL ME EDDY!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: THAT IS NOT MY REAL NAME!

Jazzykins says: Then is your real name Charlie Flaganough McPuff?

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: THAT IS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!

Jazzykins says: Oh, is it?

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: OF COURSE IT IS!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Now, now, Eddy, don't be so testy.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: I AM NOT TESTY!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: AND I'M A PSYCHIC SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO!

thecutestlittlepixie says: Well, if you really were psychic you could have stopped everything from happening. But you're not.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: Then how do you explain how I knew what you were going to wear this morning, hm?

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: TELL ME HOW I COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT WITHOUT BEING A PSYCHIC!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: SO THERE! HA!

Jazzykins says: Because you must have seen that in her head. You're a mind-reader, you idiot.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: ...

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: ...How can this be true?

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: Emmett told me I was...

thecutestlittlepixie says: EMMETT?

thecutestlittlepixie says: Eddy-kins, you should know by now that you can't trust everything Emmett says.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: I AM NOT EDDY-KINS! DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF FLUFFY TEDDY BEAR!

Jazzykins says: Don't you have one of those hidden in your room somewhere?

thecutestlittlepixie says: You DO?

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: How do you know that? NO! I mean...THAT'S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION! I HAVE TOLD NO ONE!

Jazzykins says: Edward, I saw you snuggling with it the other day. In plain sight.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: I don't know what you're talking about.

thecutestlittlepixie says: THAT IS SO CUUUUUTE!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE, ALICE!

thecutestlittlepixie says: But it is!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: Why were my psychic powers blocked? I should have seen this coming.

Jazzykins says: Edward, for the last time, you are not psychic and you will never be. You can only hear people's thoughts.

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: Jasper, Jasper, Jasper...you should know better. Reading people's thoughts means that I am, after all, psychic.

Jazzykins says: Sigh...it's no use.

thecutestlittlepixie says: I THINK IT IS SO ADORABLE THAT A VAMPIRE YOUR AGE WOULD SNUGGLE WITH A BEAR! THAT'S CUTE!

YouWillNotFindMeHere says: I SHUN YOU NON-BELIEVERS IN MY PSYCHIC POWERS! I WILL GO WHERE I AM ACCEPTED! GOODY-BYE!

_YouWillNotFindMeHere has signed off._

Jazzykins says: ...He just ran into a wall. While trying to leave his room.

thecutestlittlepixie says: Here we go again.


	25. Farewell Chapter

**Title: **Cullen Chat  
**Author: **Mon Petit Pierrot  
**Fandom: **Twilight  
**Rating: **T (for safety)  
**Warnings: **Pure insanity.  
**Summary: **Edward is now clinically insane with no guaranteed recovery soon, Emmett and Jasper are not helping by continuing to play their tricks on their mentally challenged brother, Bella is gone, and Rosalie still doesn't care. All is normal, so Alice says.

**Note: **SORRY IT'S SO LATE! I HAVE NO EXCUSE! EXCEPT I WAS GETTING READY FOR COLLEGE SO PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

Also, this will be the last chapter. I'm sorry for ending it but I really enjoyed writing it, so much so that I might consider a sequel. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE WHO HAVE STUCK WITH THIS STORY SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING AND TO THOSE WHO MIGHT HAVE JUST STARTED READING IT. I AM SO HAPPY THAT SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SUPPORTED THIS CRAZY IDEA OF MINE.

This was so much fun to write, I'll be sad to let it go. But I think it's run it's course. I hope you still continue to enjoy it even though it will no longer be updated. I don't think I'll be posting any more Twilight fics, but if any of you have any requests I would be more than happy to write it for you.

Have a good day ~


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